Film: 2011 (The Bad)
Super 8. The first 20 minutes is fantastic (learning about the kids, their disparate personalities, the train crash. There are real emotions/connections.). Then it turns into Transformers (a chase movie).
Basic questions that should’ve been asked during the months leading up to production (concerning the script):
What do the dads actually do? They’re never aiding the pursuit. They have zero involvement in the plot. They are merely there as an homage to other films.
Why were the armed services/scientists transporting the alien to begin with?
We’re supposed to believe that this alien is able to attract (magnetically, I guess) items from all over so that it can build a ship to get it back home. Why does it wait days to do this? Because he appears to have the ability to do it in mere seconds (at the end). It’s lazy writing.
Why does the alien capture all those people and hang them in that cave? Why? Seriously.
We’re supposed to believe that this alien kills a bunch of people (armed serviceman/scientists), yet keeps those other people alive in the cave, for…fun?
I wanted to vomit when the alien caught the protagonist, brought him up to eye-level, and then the fucking kid tells the alien that everything’s okay, and he doesn’t have to hurt anyone.
Hanna. For some reason this was labeled as a ‘thinking-person’s action film’, when it was essentially ‘14-year old girl as Jason Bourne’. Which translates into: boring.
Questions:
If Hanna and her father are living in isolation, why would they even have that transmitter (the only avenue in which the evil government program people—Cate Blanchett can find them)? It’s the only way they can be discovered!
Once the bad guys show up, the father leaves the little girl behind! Why? Where is he going? To go kill the exact same people who are coming to his house? Why leave? It’s not like he’s trying to expose the secret program to the world.
Once Hanna escapes capture, the film really bottoms out: she doesn’t know anything. She’s a passive protagonist. She simply hangs out with the vacationing family.
Moneyball. A sports movie in which the ‘hero’ sits in an office or jogs on a treadmill. And in which there is no resolution or real conflict to solve, no questions to be asked, no revelations. It’s just talking. If I had never viewed Abduction, Moneyball would’ve been the worst film of the year.
And what is the big deal about Jonah Hill going ‘serious’? He has no real purpose in this film. He has 2 clever lines. That’s it. It’s not a ‘serious’ film: so how can he be in ‘serious actor mode’? He wasn’t even skinny yet.
Brad Pitt’s hair did look pretty great. I’ll concede that.
Ides of March. The film has 2 great scenes and 3 good scenes—the two major scenes between Evan Rachel Wood and Gosling), the opening speech, Clooney’s big speech, and the confrontation between Gosling & Clooney at the restaurant. That’s it.
Gosling’s character is supposed to be a young political wunderkind, yet we never see him create/manipulate anything new. He gives Clooney a couple cool lines for his speeches/debate. That’s it.
Spoilers:
Evan Rachel Wood starts sleeping with Gosling (even though he’s ~28 and she’s a college intern. Not a big deal.) He then learns that she had slept with Presidential candidate Clooney, when Clooney calls her phone late at night. Yet, they never indicate whether it was a 1-night stand or a continuous relationship. Which is a HUGE point. Is Clooney a creep, or did he slip up once? We have to know. Because it goes towards his character and motivation, and thus the motivations for the entire plot (and Wood and Gosling). Is Wood afraid of Clooney? Because it doesn’t appear so. And if not, then Gosling has a choice to either leave the campaign or expose Clooney. Yes, a married Presidential candidate slept with a legal intern. That’s not enough plot for a film.
She then gets an abortion (paid for by Gosling). He’s kept in a meeting, so he’s unable to pick her up from the clinic. Because of that delay, he’s fired. She then overdoses on pills. Gosling gets pissed. He plots to get revenge (for him, or for her? Completely unclear.) He manipulates things so that he gets his job back and his rival fired. That’s it. Clooney’s not exposed as a creep, but has to make concessions that Gosling wanted all along. So the girl did die in vain. Again, nothing real was at stake.
Warrior. I have a friend who says this was the best film of the year. I wanted it to end after 30 minutes.
The brothers were close growing up. The dad was a drunk. Younger Brother went with the mom, who has recently died of cancer. Dad and Older Brother still have issues. Thus, both brothers hate Dad. Younger Brother hates Older Brother for abandoning them. Older Brother hates being hated.
Older Brother (teacher): will lose his nice house in the suburbs if he doesn’t get more money soon. He’s been MMA fighting behind his wife’s back. His school finds out and suspends him. Now he really needs money.
Younger Brother: shows up out of nowhere. We learn that he was a Marine, and helped save some fellow Marines (as he was going AWOL), but lost his best friend in the process. Now he wants to make money before he goes to jail, to help his best friend’s widow out.
Why this sucks: Older Brother is not desperate enough. He has a really nice house in the suburbs, a college degree (at least one), and a working wife. Do they not have any savings? Can’t they live in a less-nice house or in an apartment? They have options.
Younger Brother: why does he need his dad to train him? Why come home?
Also, these guys have never fought professionally, yet are put into worldwide tournament of the best 16 fighters. How? They never earn it!
And once they have to fight in the championship, they could just NOT fight, and split the money! They would each have enough to meet their goals. Instead they have to beat the shit out of each other…for money.
The script was straightforward. No twists, turns, character arcs…you know, conflict.
And tell me why this film had to be 2hours 15minutes long.
